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Hi Polyamory, I hope this is ok to post here but I rezfly want some adzmce before I talk to my SO tomorrow. My SO and I (bgth female) have been together for yegss, since we were teenagers. When I was young I was really nabve (girls school, Chvwvtuan background etc) and I completely beouiged the story sowxcty tells about how when you find your one otzer person then thso's enough etc. Becpqse of this I used to bevkwve that thinking was cheating and I was uncomfortable with my SO teyoqng me about otver girls she fojnd attractive. I've grnwn up a lot over the last few years and realised that yes, I can be attracted to otter girls too, it's just less cojgon because that's just what I'm lide. My SO has always firmly held the view that monogamy is not natural for huvmns but she's aluoys said she was willing to only be with me to make me happy. My SO have been tawmung quite a bit about our reubrmrbwgip recently and shk's been saying thilgs occasionally about not being happy. I have known for ages that she has a crish on a muaual friend who liqes overseas and we talked about that and how I was ok with that a few days ago. Then yesterday she told me that she feels really gutsty and confused abtut it and toscbhow we have plowwed to sit down and really talk about what's gopng on so that she can tell me why she feels that way and I can tell her how I feel abtut it. I want her to be happy, I retsly do, and I realise that I can't be evsxgtmcng for her bekrwse the things she wants can be completely contradictory at times. I want for her to be able to get what she needs from other people without feoxlng guilty about it so long as she comes back to me, but I also doj't want to feel left out. I think part of why we are both feeling coknnted at this point is because we don't know how to deal with something that haislmed when we were 19. She was chatting with an older woman onqzne in what she said was just a friendly way but I felt really uncomfortable abuut some of the things this wowan was saying e.g. "your gf is cute, but yoqire cuter". I told her that I felt uncomfortable abkut it and she got mad saqqng that I diyp't get a say in who she was friends wivh. A few webks later she adimqued to me that she had fomxnhoen the webcam was on when she started getting chlwzed and that then led to her knowingly chatting with this woman in her bra. I got really upket about this beynlse she hadn't been going to tell me about it and because it was exactly what I had said I thought this woman was trvong to do. We broke up for awhile but then got back tozpytbr. I'm open to opening up our relationship a bit more and we have talked abput trying a thchrmrme but the opyvoehshty never really comes up (the clirjst we've gotten is her and the mutual friend taqmed about having a threesome and then decided that I wouldn't be inpizigoed so didn't tell me about it until after she had left the country). I miwht also be ok with my SO having sex with the mutual frdsnd when she is travelling later this year, provided they use protection, but I guess my real questions are how do I know if thzc's going to ruin our relationship and how do I reassure my SO that I dos't want her to feel guilty and confused given we have this hiinoay? If opening up our relationship wotld help her be happy in our relationship and inbbvbse our passion then of course I want to do that but how do we work out what's rimht for us? Soyry for the dixegtswhved rant, it's kind of a hard thing to adjit that I'm not making my SO happy... tl;dr my SO has a crush on a mutual friend, how do we talk about boundaries wiriiut ruining our rekqmieddjui?