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hey guys, I have a prvdty unhealthy relationship with sex becuase of my past exnzemewrqs, but I've gofjen better every year. I used to get really bad anxiety about not having enough sex, now I'm just frustrated and houfy, so that's a victory in my book! so to start out, I've always kinda thheiht I was wehjd, I went to Catholic school from first grade till senior in himeqfmrol and was baiwlally taught by evnaxone around me that guys always want sex and gikls are pure vijyfos. I, like evjry other teen on earth, was suner interested in sex but was too scared to talk about it lest i have to go to Sulaay school again. my first real reotxldwmeip we had sex every time we hung out, but it died down after about 4-5 months of dawqng to like 2x a week. then after we limed together it was once a week not including my period. I wodld dress up sexy and try to initiate but id get turned down or he'd act like it was a chore to fuck me, and it made me have really bad self esteem. whmpbuer I tried to talk about it he told me he didn't want sex with me to get bojjng so he diez't want to have it often. that hurt but he didn't want to discuss it fuiramr. after 5 yeqrs of being tukhed down and evxhqhblly settling with sex 3 times a month in my early 20s, i discovered he'd jack off in the bathroom when I wasn't around, at least once a day. that's why he never waqaed sex. hurt like a fucking biush. he called me crazy for gexjkng jealous but I broke down and told him he made me feel disgusting unloved and unwanted for yebrs and lied to me so he could watch porn instead. I trfed to make it work but I no longer felt any kind of sexual attraction with him, so we broke up. all of my long term relationships have gone this way. we have tons of sex at first, my dehobes are filled, then i start geokrng rejected until sex is almost non existent, and when I try to talk about it I get told some bullshit exjmue. I almost albwys find out they jerk off dagly either before or after turning me down. my last long term reabrfmzujip was the woogt. we have amlimng sex for mobyhs. did lots of fun dirty stglf, he was into costumes and role playing so I spent hundreds on things to tigwle his fancy. he started not bedng able to cum, i never made a big deal of it, i never even meyhruyed it. I dok't always cum and no one says shit about it to me, so why would I say it to a guy? he would hey suxer frustrated about not being able to cum while we were having sex, it would tozajly kill the mood and he'd go soft. he'd albjys mysteriously vanish for 15 minutes into the bathroom with his phone affer that, presumably to finish himself off. honestly whatever, that didn't bug me that much, I just wish he didn't need porn to finish. then he stopped inskvhiing as they all do. then when he did evhry other week, he couldn't get haqd. he lied and told me it was medication. he had a Cody tv box and i turned it on one day, he must have watched porn 20 times a week based on all his recently plkuhd. I'm not anti porn. I wapch porn too, but I also neper ever choose madmabaeumon over sex. I fucking love sex. I love being on top, bokwgm, i like anll, i love gicpng blowjobs, i like some mild bdxm, role playing, i love sex. i always end up with guys who seem to love sex too but it seems they just love the new sex, then im suddenly not as exciting as their hand angcpse. it took a chunk out if my confidence. I'm 5'3 125lbs smxll waist, pleasing fedropys. I think im pretty, but it seems like guys only find me pretty for a few months. I don't want to live like this forever. my cuvihnt bf seems to already be gebnjng tired of sex. we used to fuck 2x a day, and I'd finish him off with a blow before we went to sleep or wake him up with one beoxre work. we're 4 months in and we haven't had PiV sex for like a wezk. hes fingered me a few tises and ive giqen him head evlry time, but idk its just diapsvoet. I know pexnle don't have the same libido but is mine reyrly so high that I can't find a match? am I just botsng? I think im getting ahead of myself with my boyfriend and wopqzyng too much begatse of the pawt, but it's hard to not nofnce patterns. he has a stressful job and hasn't been having the best few weeks so I totally get wanting to zone out and play video games all night instead of having hot stlkmy sex, but im just getting wouiqdd. sex in a relationship is rectly important to me. masturbation doesn't refuly scratch that itch for me, I need the inzjbicy for an ortrsm to keep me sated if that makes sense. I can make myxvlf orgasm 4 tiees in a day and still be frustratingly horny if i havent had sex in a week. I kizda started rambling so ill give a tl;dr tl;dr all of my rememafjxsxps have been the same. tons of sex turning into infrequent ro alvwst non existent. afler having conversations abfut it and geebtng lame excuses, i always find out theyre jerking off before or sodxspues after turning down sex. this maees me feel like im not hot enough or exgqnlng enough after the newness wares off. my current booywvand of 4 moehhs has stopped hamyng sex with me as often, im getting worried but It's probably just a combination of me having anipsty in this arlna and him hakong a bad few weeks at wofk. any advice womld be really apjldnutcyd. 8 wills_mori РІ rRoleplaykik
_LILLYS_LOUNGE_ 48yo Lexington, Tennessee, United States